I Don't Hate You
by rawpotato
Summary: Sofia is sick, and Arizona is still the only one that can get her to sleep. Post 9x24.


**_A/N:_**_ This is just a short little oneshot that I had in my head for a while. I hated the season finale, and thought it was perfect... I hated it. But fuck man, it was fantastic. I know that eventually Callie and Arizona will be fine, but for now they are not and that fucking sucks. Shit. Anyways. Enjoy._

* * *

Callie Torres was in over her head. It wasn't the terribly sick toddler who was throwing up every hour, feverish and crying constantly. It wasn't that she was also sick with the same disease that was currently ravaging her daughter's body. It wasn't that she wanted to fall face down on her couch and sleep for the next millennia. It was her broken heart. She'd survived similar aches and pains, she survived dying for crying out loud, she would survive this pain. The part that was currently threatening the sanctity of her sanity was that she needed to take her sick daughter to her ex-wife because even though she wasn't the Arizona that Callie remembered, she was the mother that Sofia loved, and that was the only thing that drew Callie into the rain at three in the morning because even now Arizona was still the only one that Sofia would go to sleep for.

Because Arizona was still Sofia's mother. She just wasn't Callie's wife anymore.

And that would always be how it was.

Even though technically, legally, Arizona wasn't Sofia's mother. They had talked about getting those papers earlier but had never done it. They were safe and unharmed in those moments and their relationship was the Platonic essence that the rest of the world based their own relationships on.

But now they were nothing.

And the worst part is that Callie finally understood. She had known before, or at least she had thought she had known before. Arizona didn't trust her anymore, and in that loss of trust Arizona lost the respect and love in their relationship and cheated.

And she was hurt, worse than when George did, worse than when she though she loved Mark and worse when Erica left her in the parking lot. Her whole life had flashed before her eyes when she learned that Arizona had cheated and in it one major thought and theme had arisen: she was destined for pain. There was no happy ending in place for Callie Torres, and slowly she had come to terms with it.

Mark was gone, her greatest friend in the world, the father of her child, was gone. He wouldn't be there for her eventual failure. But in his memory, she would do everything in her power to make sure that their daughter would have a happy ending.

Which, for Sofia, included Arizona.

Which is how she was able to balance sick, sniffling daughter in one arm and knock on the once familiar blue door of 502.

It wasn't more than a moment before a slightly disheveled Arizona answered the door and Callie had to marshal her reaction to her ex-wife. The butterflies in her stomach didn't know that they weren't allowed to flutter anymore when they saw her, her palms were sweaty because of the flu, or so Callie told herself, and her heart rate picked up because of the flu as well. None of those things were a response to Arizona.

Or her beautiful blue eyes, of the way the left side of her hair was rumpled a bit higher than the right, and most certainly not to the way that as soon as that dimpled smile was directed at their baby girl little Sofia who couldn't muster the strength to feed herself for the last few days instantly reached for her momma.

That has nothing to do with why she wanted to forgive Arizona for ripping apart what Callie had spent so long trying so desperately to repair. Callie couldn't bring herself to wonder if what she had built was so fragile and terribly constructed or if Arizona had just been that malicious in her destruction.

"Hey baby girl." God, even her voice was like a salve to Callie's broken soul.

But even then, Callie refused the life preserver and instead allowed herself to flounder in the sea of desperation she had found herself in. She wasn't drowning but she refused to be helped by Arizona

Callie followed Arizona as she had turned into the apartment to settle Sofia who had started fussing again. "I'm sorry for coming over like this, but she needed her momma." Callie's sentences were wrought with coughs and sniffles, all of which drew Arizona's attention to her.

"It's okay Callie." Callie really hated it when Arizona called her Callie.

"You're still the one she wants when she's really tired."

Arizona just nodded and started changing Sofia. Callie stood in the threshold of the apartment, afraid of the tsunami of memories that threatened to crash upon her if she were to move further into the space that was once the stage for the greatest love of her life.

Callie just stood mesmerized, her own aches and pains leaving her, as she watched Arizona soothe Sofia, change her and pick her back up the little girl already asleep against her mother's chest.

Arizona made her way back to Callie, offering her the sleeping baby. But Callie took a step back, Sofia needed sleep and the only way she would get that is if she were with Arizona who wasn't sick and the greatest balm for whatever was currently ailing her baby girl.

Taking a step back Callie put her hand up and covered her mouth while she coughed. "Would you mind terribly keeping her for a few days?" She coughed again, the shakes raking her body. "I'm sorry."

Arizona looked like she wanted to offer Callie the same comfort that she was currently giving Sofia, and while she desperately wanted to give in, Arizona wasn't hers to take comfort from anymore. Closing her eyes Callie gripped her bag tighter, gathering the strength she needed to not give in to her desire for Arizona. Because even through all of this, the plane crash, the horrible Arizona, the recovery and finally the cheating, she loved Arizona Robbins for so long and she was sure in her destiny of not having a happy ending that she would always love Arizona Robbins.

Even if she still kind of hated her right now.

"No, it's okay Callie, I have no problem keeping her." Arizona paused and looked down at Sofia, a smile on her face, and then suddenly the bluest eyes ever to have been born looked back at her, and Callie was momentarily lost in the all the times she had looked into them before. "Are you okay Callie, is there something I can do for you?"

Sighing, she took another step back, bumping into the door raising her hand once again, stopping Arizona's progress even though she wasn't moving in the first place. "I'm fine thank you." She swallowed thickly. "Just for a few days, and the weekend to. I took the liberty of asking if you had the weekend off and you do, so I thought you guys could spend sometime together in case she gets better."

"Really?" The shock in her voice pained Callie, that was never really her intention, to hurt Arizona. It was never what she wanted. She always wanted the best for Arizona.

"Yes," Callie said placing the bag of clothes and things she had pack from her home on the ground. "You're her mother, you guys need time together."

Callie couldn't describe the happiness that was etched onto Arizona's face.

"Thank you." Arizona whispered, the sound dripping down Callie's spine weakening her resolve.

"Yeah," She tried to sound nonchalant, she wasn't sure if she succeeded, but judging by the look on Arizona's face she hadn't.

"I have something else for you," Callie said, looking away from Arizona and reaching into her bag grabbing the manila folder she offered it to Arizona.

"Phillip wouldn't want me to give this to you," at the mention of her lawyers name, Arizona sighed and her grip on Sofia became tighter. "But he was being unfair to you, so I found a new lawyer."

Callie watched as one of Arizona's eyebrows raised slowly, the look on her face spelling out her confusion.

"James, the new guy, is a family attorney. He said that we should get this done, making you Sofia's legal guardian so that when we start the divorce proceedings you have legal right to custody." Callie would never keep Sofia from her mother, nor Arizona from her daughter.

Arizona took a step towards her, "Callie, I don't understand."

"There will be some home visits involved, but I don't foresee that as a problem. In the folder is a copy of Sofia's birth certificate, a copy of Mark's Social Security Number and his Certificate of Death. Some of my bank statements and the Statements of Trust that Mark set up for Sofia in which you and I are executors." Callie had already added all of his assets into the trust for Sofia, to the tune of just over two million dollars for her to use when she goes to college. Mark's Will specified rights of guardianship in case of death to Arizona, then Derek and Meredith if both she, Callie, and he were to die. James said that that fact would be enough to sway a judge and Social Services to grant Arizona's adoption request.

"Then, James said, in a month or two, when the adoption is finalized, we can proceed with the divorce proceedings."

"Callie, I don't know what to say." Arizona placed the folder on the table tenderly, never letting go of Sofia. "Why are you doing this?"

Callie swallowed and coughed, buying herself time. "Despite what you think of me, it has never been my intention to hurt you."

That's when the tears started for Callie, the situation overwhelming her. Without warning, Callie was enveloped in Arizona's arms, Sofia between them still sleeping.

"Callie I never-" Arizona started, but Callie cut her off, disentangling herself from Arizona, careful not to disturb Sofia.

"No Arizona. Don't." Arizona moved back and gave Callie the space she wanted. Callie noticed that Arizona was crying too.

"I took your leg Arizona, that's why you hate me." _Let's go get a bone saw and even the score._ Callie would never forget the way the words were flung at her, the way they cut through everything she had ever held dear and the way that nothing she did would ever make her feel better about their relationship ever again.

"So I'll give you your daughter." Callie took a shuttering breath, her body becoming calm as she knew that this was the right thing to do. "This isn't an apology, or me asking for forgiveness because I don't think I did anything wrong."

Callie sighed again, placing her hand on the doorknob and turning it slowly so it opened behind her. Coughing the whole way. "But Sofia needs you in her life, and as much as I don't want you in mine, you belong in hers."

With the door open, Callie spoke over her shoulder to her daughter's mother; "I'll pick her up from daycare on Monday. Goodbye Arizona."

Callie shut the door softly behind her, and headed for the elevator at the end of the hall pressing the down button eager to make a quick escape. Just as the doors opened, the door from which she came opened and as Callie stepped onto the elevator and turned Arizona came into view around the corner and ran the last few steps to stop the doors from closing.

Callie was glad to see that she was getting better at the prosthetic. Even three months ago Arizona would have been afraid to run when she was paying attention, her doing it here showed that she had the ability and Callie was glad that Sofia would have a mother capable of playing with her, running with her without fear.

"Wait, just wait one second Callie." Callie looked up and met the blue eyes staring at her, the doors closing slightly and opening against the force of Arizona's hand once more.

"What do you want?" Callie asked, wiping the tears from her cheeks that refused to stop falling.

Dropping her hand from the elevator door, Arizona just stared at her for a couple of seconds and just as the door started to close, she spoke, and Callie just stared into the eyes she loved so much. "I don't hate you Callie."

And just like that the doors were closed and she was moving down and away from her daughter and her ex-wife, the pain so acute in her chest that she had to physically restrain her sobs by holding her clenched fist in front of her mouth. This pain was worse that her own car crash, worse than not knowing if the people on the plane were dead or alive.

Actually, Callie, realized that this was much worse. Because then it was a Schrödinger's Cat situation, and she would eventually know the answer. Dead, she could have moved on, raised her daughter by herself and kept the happy memories of both Mark and Arizona alive for her daughter's sake.

This was worse because now the relationship would be forever tainted with the stain of infidelity and Callie wasn't sure how long sure could hide her yearning for Arizona from her daughter. Soon Sofia would be able to see that Callie was just as lonely and depressed as she would have been if Arizona had died on that mountain, but this pain is worse because Arizona is here, in Seattle and just as inaccessible as if she were back in the woods.


End file.
